Chapter one-
I set down my book bag with a heavy thump on the desk, then slouched over to my worn mahogany desk. More paperwork sat on top of yesterday's pile, and the remainder of Tuesday's. I took out my pen and prepared for 8 hours of hand labor. I picked up the first pile of papers and set to work. Three hours later I was rudely interrupted by a heavyset man barging through my door with a scowl the size of Africa taking up most of the space on his pudgy face. My boss threw a pile of papers at my face and plopped down in the chair across from me. I was actually surprised when the chair didn't crumple under the weight of his enormous backside. He eyeballed me as I tidied my desk, seeming oblivious to the anger seething through his ears. "Miss Greene!" He shouted. I looked up, surprised to see him there in my beautiful office. "You didn't get the employers signature for page 334 of this packet! And you spilled ranch dressing all over the cover! Do you realize what this means? " He continued without waiting for me to answer. "This means that 65 of our new employees are gonna be given the paddle!" I cannot afford to throw my employees out the window the way you fill out this paperwork! I hired you as a secretary and you blow off your job to get yourself into these messes that you expect me to clean up, I am very disappointed in you. One more strike and you're out missy. I mean it this time! One more messed up letter and I swear I'll let you go! If this company goes under you will be the only one at fault Miss. Green!" He took a breath and I caught some McDonalds and maybe a bit of syrup from breakfast to the eyebrow. I swept my hand over my eye to wipe it off. The crimson of his face before had now just gone to an off red, his usual shade and I watched as he lumbered off to my door. As soon as he was out of sight I went back to my paperwork. He does this every week. Comes barreling through my door, demanding to know why I left mascara tracks across the bathroom mirror. He screams at me for ruining his company and my reputation then trudges out again. But he never, ever threatened to fire me, and to be frank, I was a bit shaken.
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When I opened the door that evening to find that somebody cooking in my kitchen was a bit unnerving. I threw off my coat, tossed my bag on the coffee table, and walked over to the kitchen. "Hi honey!" My mother had on her signature sunshine apron and was covered from head to toe in something that slightly resembled cat food, and didn't smell much better. "Mom……." I trailed off. "This isn't your house," I said slowly, more for my understanding than hers. "I know sweetie but I'm gonna have to live with you for a little while. My house is having some issues if you know what I mean." "No mother I don't and really I don’t want to either. Take the quest room and, please, stay out of the kitchen. I hope that I don't need to remind you of what happened last time," Last time my mother's house had it's "issues" she had come here and burned my kitchen to a crisp, literally. Of course I got a new kitchen out of it but that isn't the point. "Thanks pumpkin!" My mother said as she ascended the stairwell, suitcase in hand. "Don't mention it," I muttered. Another month and a half of torture. Great. Last time my mother had come I didn't know what happened to her house until a week after she left when I read in the paper LOCAL WOMAN LOSES HOUSE TO HEALTH DEPARTMENT And of course there was a picture of my mom's house, her in the front yard, holding all ten of her cats. Let's see, there was Little Tabby, Crazy Katie, Laughing Lovvy, the list goes on and on. Turns out her cats were doing their business in certain places and when my mom started to smell the youknowwhat, she called me over to investigate. I walked in the door and walked right back out again. From there I ran home, called the health department, and a week later my mom shows up at my door wanting to stay with me. I really need anti-stress pills. Something crashes to the floor upstairs and I hear my mother scream- "It is ok. Nothing is broken." Then under her breath she adds, "Not really" Later I hear the vacuum cleaner start to life and I groan. That woman is a walking tornado. -------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning I wake up to the sound of pounding at the front door. I get up and pull back the curtains to see who it was, and I am greeted by the sight of four cop cars and my mother walking out the front door with a confused expression painted on her face. Not good. I looked to my clock, 7:15 am. Darn it. Now not only were there four police cars in my driveway but I was also late to work. I grabbed my robe and headed outside. "Excuse me sir, but what is going on out here?" I ask politely. The obvious man in charge motions for one of the other men there with him to tend to me. "We were called here to investigate a robbery of cat food from the local Walgreens," "Why would they send four cops over to investigate a cat food robbery? What did they do, use the food to knock out the checkout clerk?" "No. They used the cat food to feed all the cats in the pet store. The lady working the shift at the pet shop said that the lady just walked in like she owned the place, took each of the cats out of their cages, and started feeding them a bunch of cat food. Apparently these cats were on a special diet and they couldn't eat anything other than 2 cups of HappyCat Food per day." "Oh. Well can't you let her go? She's just a sweet old lady!" "A sweet old lady with a knack for getting through locked doors!" The best idea ever came to me right then and there. "Okay fine. Take her away. I don't care." "You better not care because you don't exactly have a choice in this matter" "Excuse me? She's my mother!" "She's a criminal!" "I always knew that this day would come." "What when your mother got arrested?" "No when I'd start defending my mother," I sighed. The cop stifled a laugh and turned back to his boss. "Take her away." He motioned towards my mother. "This one-" he waved towards me- "Can stay. She is no use to us." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and walked back to my house. I was about to slam the door behind me when I heard something that I knew was coming. My mother was trying to fight off the cop and the cop was reaching for his taser. I contemplated just walking back into the house, but I couldn't leave my mother like this. I walked back down the driveway to the head cop trying to sustain my mother while he charged his taser. "Hey mom," she looked up, surprised. "This man is just going to take you down to the station. He needs to ask you a few questions," I looked to the cop. "Is that right?" I asked him. "Yes your daughter is right. We will not hurt you as long as you cooperate and get in the cruiser." I looked at my mother, pleading her to do as the cop says. Finally my wish is answered when she stops fighting the handcuffs and lets herself be dragged away into the car. Five minutes later the cruisers are all gone and I am in the shower, getting ready for work. ----------------------------------------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED
This piece was excellent. I liked how you described everything so descriptively. This piece was also pretty funny. I can't wait for the continued piece.
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